“I’m a cybernetic organism. Living tissue over metal endoskeleton. Programmed to molest.”

I’ve teleported too, a few times in the past - it can be a bit confusing, like blam you’re suddenly somewhere else. Then I’ve recalled the heinous quantities of booze and drugs I’ve consumed that day and kinda shrugged.

The real achievement is the scientists who managed to get a mouse to blow a pig. If you got Nobel prizes for effort, that’s a prize nomination right there.

You’re saying I could fix my painful right eye if I let a hog come on my face? Hmm.

“I don’t care, do you?”

That look of shame on his face is truly the expression of a man who was caught fucking a dead animal.

I wonder how one goes about blowing a fish. . .

The really incredible thing is that he thought everyone was dumb enough to fall for all the bullshit in that interview. “I have a tendency to be too honourable.” FFS.

They let the little shit out of prison then?

I live in Bristol, it may very well not be an urban legend. This happened at Bristol zoo, in the carpark there. Thing was, the zoo staff assumed he worked for the council and the council workers assumed he worked for the zoo. He was always very polite, turned up on time every day, looked the part. There are lots of people who say they remember him. This went on for many years, until one day he just stopped. Retired, I guess.

“Sign here. . . and here. . . Now flop it out on the table. . . Nurse, hand me the claw hammer. . .”

A cock the size of a barnacle. . . Nope, the phrase just doesn’t inspire shock and awe.

TBF I’ve known some guys who were size queens.

The poor man died on a table with his cock cut to pieces, what a terribly unfortunate thing to happen.

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Neutering seems effective at calming down most animals. Maybe that should be tried first? We can always take his head off if it doesn’t work out.

You can trigger a psychotic episode with an ad? I’ve heard about flashing lights triggering epilepsy, but not this - how does it happen?

Also - easy solution is don’t buy a fridge with a screen on it.

Yeah. Historically it’s not entirely incorrect, unfortunately.

Costarring a big fuckin snail.

That’s double-snail, flee!