I live in Bristol, it may very well not be an urban legend. This happened at Bristol zoo, in the carpark there. Thing was, the zoo staff assumed he worked for the council and the council workers assumed he worked for the zoo. He was always very polite, turned up on time every day, looked the part. There are lots of people who say they remember him. This went on for many years, until one day he just stopped. Retired, I guess.

“Sign here. . . and here. . . Now flop it out on the table. . . Nurse, hand me the claw hammer. . .”

A cock the size of a barnacle. . . Nope, the phrase just doesn’t inspire shock and awe.

TBF I’ve known some guys who were size queens.

The poor man died on a table with his cock cut to pieces, what a terribly unfortunate thing to happen.

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Neutering seems effective at calming down most animals. Maybe that should be tried first? We can always take his head off if it doesn’t work out.

You can trigger a psychotic episode with an ad? I’ve heard about flashing lights triggering epilepsy, but not this - how does it happen?

Also - easy solution is don’t buy a fridge with a screen on it.

Yeah. Historically it’s not entirely incorrect, unfortunately.

Costarring a big fuckin snail.

That’s double-snail, flee!

I just wanna know if she ate it.

I imagine the sister is a bit thoughtful right now.

I think it’s about 0.66 bunnies, if that helps.

Still, you should probably wipe it down before putting it back in grandma’s tea set.

I don’t understand why this requires a hospital visit though - wouldn’t the cup emerge naturally next time the cupophile takes a shit?

And those goddam immigrants!

Yeah. Sounds not only creepy but uncomfortable too.

Yeah, if you can send them after specific targets I’d call that a premium feature.

Now you can do a school shooting from the comfort of your own home!