southsamurai

Only dead ones

Hi, my name is salmon, and I’ll be doing your skin care today

One of these days I’m going ti watch the entire existing seasons. I’ve only caught some here and there, so this was totally new for me :)

Oh damn, looks like I’m about to stick my foot in it.

First, it’s stupid that this is a criminal matter. If home boy is allowed to shoot a deer, cut it up, eat it, and make shoes out of it, who gives a flying fuck if he fucks the body first? Yeah, it’s gross, but does it really need to come to jail time? It’s a fucking waste of resources. Nobody fucking a dead animal is going to be rehabilitated by jail, period. Ain’t happening.

With that out of the way, lemme step into the way back machine.

Now, there used to be dark corners of reddit, and there have always been dark corners of the internet.

So, for anyone that never took a shitty energizer flashlight and went poking into those dark corners looking for entertainment and/or education, I am the proud bearer of bad news.

This ain’t a one-off event. People fucking their dead prey is sooooo not a new thing. While it’s fair to call it rare, it’s not exactly a 1 in a billion thing either.

On reddit, there were multiple people willing to admit to this behavior, and back in the early days of the internet past the aol era, there were a ton of chat rooms where the ugly side of humanity was there for the viewing. If one is able to stay relaxed and non judgemental in their responses (no matter what’s going on in your head), people will open up about anything.

When it’s something this deviant (and I mean it in the literal sense, not as an insult), you might be amazed how many people want to share their darkness.

So I’ve talked to people for whom this is a fantasy, as well as those that have done it.

Most of them, and they were all men except one, talked about the adrenaline rush of hunting leading to heightened arousal. In that sense, it’s really the same underlying motivation as people fucking after their team wins the Superbowl, or after their own sport victory (and lemme tell you that arousal after contact sports or martial arts training is a very potent thing and can lead to much fun).

It’s only the detail of it that’s deviant, not the underlying mechanisms. It’s wanting to fuck an animal, and wanting to fuck something dead that’s unusual, not the wanting to fuck after a big spike of emotions and chemicals. Couples that hunt together are a perfect example, because there is plenty of fucking in camp when people succeed in their hunt. Hell, doesn’t even have to be a hunt. Fishing camps can be a fuckfest. Birders cam get frisky when they find something rare to point their binoculars at.

But, a lone hunter feeling that arousal on doe days? Yeah, I’m betting it happens way more than even what I’m aware of. I know there’s guys that have shoved their things into bucks to begin with, so a doe with an actual vagina? Anyone without a very tough inhibition filter that also isn’t bothered by the idea to begin with is a deer fucker waiting to happen.

I’m not saying I approve of it. I’m not even saying that it isn’t a sign of some serious issues. I’m just saying that humans like to fuck. And there’s a very primitive part of us that doesn’t really care what. The barriers to fucking things other than sexually mature humans are largely learned, not inherent in our brains.

You ever hear the saying that every mouth feels the same in the dark? In terms of raw sensation, our most primitive segments involved with arousal and orgasm have zero concern about what’s providing the stimulus, only that it’s there. There’s a reason that victims of sexual assault can not only experience physical arousal no matter how much they hate what’s happening, but can be forced to orgasm. It isn’t a purely voluntary process.

So, if someone is already willing to ignore social mores and standard ethics or morals, the step from being willing to fuck some random animal to fucking a dead one isn’t a big leap.

And those folks that were willing to talk about their urges to fuck their prey? They weren’t usually freaks in general. They held down jobs, had families, had friends, they just got caught up in the rush of it. It’s like those folks that will escalate risk taking to the point of self destruction just for a buzz from it. Yeah, there were truly antisocial people doing it, but they weren’t the majority.

Now, this guy? Dude very likely could benefit from extensive therapy. Might even be the sort to let his inner self switch from animals to human bodies. No clue, but I still don’t think jail is a useful solution to the problem he poses. Mandatory treatment? Yeah, maybe, and that has to go through criminal proceedings, but it’s really closer to something like alcoholism in the way it needs to be sentenced.

Ngl, that would likely be me.

Not just because I like chickens, though that’s a factor.

In my neighborhood, if you go the posted speed limit going one direction in the section that my house is on, you’d be going slow enough to be able to correct and not hit an animal. Going the other direction, as long as you don’t slam the pedal down, it’s the same.

So anyone hitting any critter with the possible exception of squirrels is 99.9~% likely to be doing something they shouldn’t. I’ve gotten in altercations about it before because we have not just a lot of pets in the area, but kids. So some fucking moron is going to hear about out when they’re showing exactly how fucking stupid they are.

But, I also happen to kinda know all the neighborhood chickens. Not necessarily on a first name, come her for petting basis, but I know which birds live where. Since I also have my own, and would gladly curb stomp any motherfucker that fucked with them, I would likely at least lay hands on a motherfucker for killing any of the neighborhood birds by being a moron. I’m old, but my tolerance for fuckery like that keeps getting lower as I age.

Accidents do happen, but some jackass trying to be all badass by speeding in a residential area can fuck right off and die. And yes, I’m talking about you, Robert, you absolute prat. Jackass. Done told you once. Fuckwit.

Anyway, yeah, chances are high the lady was justified as long as the dude is still alive

Whats bad is that list misses so much stuff that’s worse than a mosh pit.

Like, have you ever see a venue after the crowd decides to have an impromptu orgy? Takes days to get the jizz out of the rafters

Dammit, we shoulda built a wall there, just for this one asshole.

Horse shit

People like what they like, it isn’t an insult

Ever had steak diane? Steak au poivre?

How about gremolata, chimmichuri, creamed mushrooms, caramelized onions, wine and balsamic reductions?

Hell, just salt and fucking pepper alter the flavor of the beef.

No need for food snobbery at all.

The only problem with people using bottled sauces is that it may not be equally effective for their needs if it isn’t the right cut of steak. An a1 type of sauce gives a different end flavor on something like a rib eye than a filet because the fat levels and “beefiness” aren’t the same.

Now, me? If I want steak, I want steak, not sauces, so the most I’m going to put on top is something like a pan sauce where I deglaze with bourbon and let it reduce enough to nix the alcohol flavor but still pick up the fond.

But that’s me. I ain’t mad at anyone having food the way they like it; might not be willing to buy a filet for someone that insists on well done for everything, but I’ll be glad to hook them up with a cut that works when well done so that I’m not wasting money on something they won’t enjoy as much.

Which is great until you remember that the religious right is okay with that idea