World skiing’s governing body has moved swiftly to quash talk of ski jumpers injecting their penises with paraffin or hyaluronic acid to gain a competitive edge, but scientists and ski jumpers at the Winter Olympics say if true, it would make perfect sense.
One this I’m not modest about is my naturally aerodynamic penis.
Aerodynamics isn’t what you want for ski jumping though. You need a wide, meaty, hog to catch more air.