Workers who love ‘synergizing paradigms’ might be bad at their jobs | Cornell Chronicle
news.cornell.edu
Employees who are impressed by vague corporate-speak like “synergistic leadership,” or “growth-hacking paradigms” may struggle with practical decision-making, a new Cornell study into “corporate BS” reveals.

YA THINK?

“Corporate bullshit is a specific style of communication that uses confusing, abstract buzzwords in a functionally misleading way,” said Littrell, a postdoctoral researcher in the College of Arts and Sciences. “Unlike technical jargon, which can sometimes make office communication a little easier, corporate bullshit confuses rather than clarifies. It may sound impressive, but it is semantically empty.”

  • Malle_Yeno@pawb.socialEnglish
    8·
    2 days ago

    Okay just for fun, I wanted to take a stab at trying to understand some of the examples mentioned in the article.

    We will actualize a renewed level of cradle-to-grave credentialing.

    We’re gonna do a really good job of making passwords (or degrees?) that last a lifecycle.

    By getting our friends in the tent with our best practices, we will pressure-test a renewed level of adaptive coherence.

    By convincing people we can do our jobs well, we’re gonna prove we’re really good at listening.

    For instance, a leaked 2009 Pepsi marketing presentation with language such as “The Pepsi DNA finds its origin in the dynamic of perimeter oscillations…our proposition is the establishment of a gravitational pull to shift from a transactional experience to an invitational expression …”

    uhhh okay this is tough. how about:

    Pepsi is known for waves (maybe lmao? i genuinely don’t know what perimeter oscillations is trying to say). We want to make people feel like buying Pepsi isn’t just buying something but is an invitation.

    Our device strategy must reflect Microsoft’s strategy and must be accomplished within an appropriate financial envelope

    oh this actually isn’t that hard: “Corporate cut our budget.”

    • GenderNeutralBro@lemmy.sdf.orgEnglish
      2·
      20 hours ago
      For instance, a leaked 2009 Pepsi marketing presentation with language such as “The Pepsi DNA finds its origin in the dynamic of perimeter oscillations…our proposition is the establishment of a gravitational pull to shift from a transactional experience to an invitational expression …”

      uhhh okay this is tough. how about:

      Pepsi is known for waves (maybe lmao? i genuinely don’t know what perimeter oscillations is trying to say). We want to make people feel like buying Pepsi isn’t just buying something but is an invitation.

      LOL that one’s a mess.

      “Perimeter oscillations” sounds to me like a way to describe shifts in consumer opinions and preferences. A really dumb way. But who knows? Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of marketing execs?

      I get the same feeling from corpo-speak as I get from bad poetry. Like the author runs all their ideas through a few rounds of mutations, out of fear of being seen as simple. The goal is not to be understood, but to make yourself harder to criticize.