YA THINK?
“Corporate bullshit is a specific style of communication that uses confusing, abstract buzzwords in a functionally misleading way,” said Littrell, a postdoctoral researcher in the College of Arts and Sciences. “Unlike technical jargon, which can sometimes make office communication a little easier, corporate bullshit confuses rather than clarifies. It may sound impressive, but it is semantically empty.”
I think it’s a complex problem. A lot of these “buzzwords” are actually quite semantically rich, if used correctly. “Synergy” refers to the principle of mutually advantageous reinforcement between factors, like the “three sisters” technique in agriculture. “Paradigm” is a concise word to denote an established, standard framework or perspective.
They are technical jargon, when used correctly. Used responsibly, they can convey a great deal of information with high semantic density. The problem arises when they’re transformed into buzzwords, layered in confusing or abstract ways.
Workers who were more susceptible to corporate BS rated their supervisors as more charismatic and “visionary,” but also displayed lower scores on a portion of the study that tested analytic thinking, cognitive reflection and fluid intelligence.
Guess which workers the supervisors like and want to see more and promote and which ones they really want to get rid of?
BTW, AI text also is interesting to evaluate in this context.
Okay just for fun, I wanted to take a stab at trying to understand some of the examples mentioned in the article.
We will actualize a renewed level of cradle-to-grave credentialing.
We’re gonna do a really good job of making passwords (or degrees?) that last a lifecycle.
By getting our friends in the tent with our best practices, we will pressure-test a renewed level of adaptive coherence.
By convincing people we can do our jobs well, we’re gonna prove we’re really good at listening.
For instance, a leaked 2009 Pepsi marketing presentation with language such as “The Pepsi DNA finds its origin in the dynamic of perimeter oscillations…our proposition is the establishment of a gravitational pull to shift from a transactional experience to an invitational expression …”
uhhh okay this is tough. how about:
Pepsi is known for waves (maybe lmao? i genuinely don’t know what perimeter oscillations is trying to say). We want to make people feel like buying Pepsi isn’t just buying something but is an invitation.
Our device strategy must reflect Microsoft’s strategy and must be accomplished within an appropriate financial envelope
oh this actually isn’t that hard: “Corporate cut our budget.”
Time ago, I interacted with a vendor contact who was an expert at using such corpo-jargon—it was a masterclass in listening to English sentences devoid of meaning every time she spoke in meetings. If it was 40 years in the future she’d probably have a bunch of cyberwear and a whole team of corpo-ninjas at her disposal.
She is no longer employed by said vendor (or moved to a different project/disposed of by corpo-ninjas on their end—who knows).
Hope she’s still making the big money saying literally nothing.
Also glad I don’t gotta get talked at by her anymore.
If you need an example give a listen to Weird Al’s ‘Mission Statement’
Corporate bullshit is done by talkers, not by makers.
Golden.
Essentially, the employees most excited and inspired by “visionary” corporate jargon may be the least equipped to make effective, practical business decisions for their companies.
“This creates a concerning cycle,” Littrell said. “Employees who are more likely to fall for corporate bullshit may help elevate the types of dysfunctional leaders who are more likely to use it, creating a sort of negative feedback loop. Rather than a ‘rising tide lifting all boats,’ a higher level of corporate BS in an organization acts more like a clogged toilet of inefficiency.”
The “clogged toilet of inefficiency” is my new favourite metaphor!
Makes sense to me… bullshitters LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE lingo… the people that really know their stuff are able to ELI6 most complex issues
My nemesis at my previous job was a major bullshitter and everyone knew it, except some management. Woe be to those who actually listened to him - it never ended well for them. Other managers knew better, or at least were warned.
Nice guy, but a complete moron professionally.
I recall one time he was telling a group of us about a test he and management wanted to do. “No changes to the software,” he said, repeatedly. Looking around the room, I knew no one believed him (well, he believed it, I’m sure, but no one else), but we all knew it was pointless to point out that he would be proven wrong. And he was, of course. (He wasn’t a liar, just an idiot.)
This dude would do everything he could to make me look bad, sometimes in front of external groups, other times in front of management. I never complained, but others complained to his supervisor on my behalf, and he’d apologize, then do it again a few months later. Again, it wasn’t malice, he’s just an idiot and doesn’t think.
One time I got him. He asked if we had planned for a workload that was higher than some people expected, and I was able to say, “Actually we budgeted for even more than this.” A woman that worked for me, when she saw I was having a bad day, would ask, “Hey remember when you showed up Bob in that meeting in front of management?” It always improved my mood. Some coworkers are gold.
One time, he was set to become my supervisor, and I was like, yeah, I’m gone if that happens. Fortunately, it didn’t.
I had a guy like this at a previous job. Same story with everything. The guy was a self-proclaimed master of weird languages that no one ever used.
He actually managed to become my supervisor. I immediately went to the big boss and told him I would quit if it happened. The boss confirmed that he would become my supervisor and it was a final decision.
I quit. What’s weird is that I was the only macOS/iPhone developer at the time in a mostly Windows company. They struggled for a few months after I left, and they closed the company.
That guy is now a manager at a fast food. I pity the employees who work with him.
Hell, a business strategy shouldn’t even be that complex. Complexity in it should stem from depth and details, not fancy words or difficult concepts
I think a lot of this kind of bullshit is more of an HR strategy rather than actual business strategy, but most of those are probably just as vapid.
Kinda knew that. Number one reason I would never take an office job.
Jordan Peterson enters the chat
I never thought of it like that before but yeah, you’re right, he just spouts Manosphere Corpospeak!
Before he became mainstream, he was asked if he believes in god, and he started with “what do you mean by god?” and went on jibber jabber without actually answering yes or no. I didn’t take him seriously since. Two years later, I was surprised he became popular. But anyway, his meandering and sophistry without addressing the main premise has always been his MO, especially with the trademark question “what do you mean…”
he started with “what do you mean by god?”
Sounds about right lmao
The purpose of a system is what it does.
If an organization rewards empty bluster and ChatGPT-driven corporate drivel, then that it is because those things are the organization’s purpose.
Corporate lingo is a social filter for humanoid shitweasels to identify their peers and control eventual threats.
Nothing is more menacing to an incompetent manager than an underling speaking the truth. Thankfully corporate lingo allows underlings to be dismissed out of hand because either:- they didn’t use the correct lingo (“Steve fired the only guy who knew how that machine worked and ain’t nobody got time to figure it out because every other machine is falling apart as we speak” -> you get muted on teams and a meeting is booked with HR)
- they did use the the correct lingo which is - entirely by design! - devoid of negative turns of phrase (“our rightsizing efforts mean that other team members will have to step up and synergize” -> sounds fine, deal with it, next topic).
The results of this study will undoubtedly produce a sea change in corporate culture while simultaneously creating opportunities for cross functional collaboration resulting from this paradigm shift. /s
Now I’m going to piggyback off this and open the cupboards on a few more details. When we approach a shift of this magnitude it’s important to fail fast and fail often. Tightening those decision loops will really embrace a lean model needed to get the seismic action we’re after, think Wozniak, Gates, Musk here. Let’s put our best ideas into the meat grinder and make some fucking sausage!
Let’s take this discussion offline.
Jesus H. I thought they probably skipped corporate shitspeak at those particular companies. That’s the cringiest mental pic of the night.
Ouch.
Mad respect for making me cringe so hard.
I was just going after names a dude bro management type would know. They’re so full of shit, lol. I like that they can’t tell when you’re mocking them though, they hear their language and accept it.
You learn it, you climb the ladder, you bring your kids a higher paycheck. Literally we’re conditioned to learn it like dogs
Duh, and/or hello.
Suite Judy! He hit everything including the Golden Parachute.
Beat me to it!
