Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth jokingly said any surge in takeout deliveries to the Pentagon — a phenomenon that has accurately predicted the start of major geopolitical events — could be him ordering pizza “just to throw everybody off.”
Asked about the “Pentagon Pizza Report,” an account on X that tracks activity at local pizza joints near the U.S. military hub, Hegseth said he was aware of the account.
“I’ve thought of just ordering lots of pizza on random nights just to throw everybody off,” he said Sunday on Fox News. “Some Friday night when you see a bunch of Dominos orders, it might just be me on an app, throwing the whole system off so we keep everybody off balance. We look at every indicator.”
All I hear is that the pizza index works, he is too fucking dumb to do anything about it, and is clearly rattled about it. If he was serious he would have kept his mouth shut, which he can’t, and it’s all bullshit.
Someone tell him about th gay bar index so he starts going there randomly too
it’s not gay if you don’t look into each other’s eyes…
Pete Kegsbreath
You know he doesn’t tip, so they’re not delivering twice.
“No raises this year, gentlemen. And ladies. But hey, PIZZA PARTY!!”
“Thought about” and “might just” are two phrases middle aged white guys use when we want to talk big and then never follow through. I’d be shocked if he puts in one “fake” order, and highly doubt he’ll be able to be consistent enough to throw off the tracker.
Right. He’s too fucking dumb to pull off even random pizza orders. In any case, everyone knows that to really throw people off the scent you tell them about your plans, right? What a fucking muppet.
That’s why he invited that reporter to his illegal Signal chat, just to throw everyone off
Aren’t all the pedos using “pizza” as covert code for child pornography ?
We look at every indicator.
After it’s become widespread international news meaning our allies and enemies have known for at least a decade…
Okay, fuck, he got me, that’s really funny. Good job. Now please submit to The Hague, confess everything, and spend the rest of your life in prison.
A decade ago I was like, “FOX hosts are vile, disgusting, fucking goblins, but at least they’re not in government”.
I refuse to accept this is the reality I exist in.
And what is he going to do with all of those “diversion” pizzas?
Seems like that could be a good way to feed the hungry in DC: order a large and semirandom number of pizzas to the Pentagon every night, then distribute them to homeless shelters; on nights when you’re planning or executing ops, just add to the order enough for your operation and pull them off of the pile before you redirect the rest to the shelters.
But the party of “lol your poor git gud” wouldn’t dream of such a thing. More likely they’ll toss them in the dumpster.
Americans shouldn’t starve in such a wealthy nation, but there’s just not enough money here. Do not. Touch. The
defensewar budget. Such a shame, homeless veterans and all thatLoved the joke, and it gives me an idea that might actually make this work: rather than sending it to a random homeless shelter every day, send it to a veteran’s shelter.
That would do nothing to block the alleged information leak. You’d simply count the number of pizzas reaching homeless shelters instead, and if there’s a lower than normal amount, you know we’re gonna invade Iran. I mean, know it even harder.
If you pull some random amount off the stack every day and store it to pass along on the next day, and build up a rolling reserve before pulling from that reserve for invasion day, you could hide that tell pretty effectively.
Pretty sure he said this exact thing last year when the Pizza Index was correct. Is this a cute little gem he just has on standby?
He thought of ordering lots of pizza? What a genius mastermind.
Hello? Is this Dominos?
